Learning from Experience

This week I was focused on Micah 6:8 “He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” It seems like a perfect verse during a time of national unrest both politically and racially. Within this verse, God has given us clear instructions on how to live. Be just, merciful and humble. To be just is to have a concern for fairness, peace and a genuine respect for ALL people. To be merciful is to practice compassion and forgiveness. To be humble is to avoid arrogance or assertiveness and lower your importance. I have some experiences from my own life that help me in doing this – because it’s not always easy.

Years ago, when JP and I were living in Paris, France our newborn son needed surgery. It was nothing life threatening but definitely necessary. As a young mother I was so scared. To make the situation even scarier, I didn’t speak or understand French. The situation was completely out my control, and literally beyond my understanding. I couldn’t ask the questions that may have made me feel comfortable with the procedure or communicate with the medical staff who I had handed my son over to! Definitely one of the worst moments of my life. As we were waiting, there was another young couple across the room. They were speaking Arabic and the woman was wearing a traditional “niqab” covering. Although the only part of her I could see were her eyes, I was sure, because of both the sounds she made and her body language, she was a mother in a similar situation and in that moment we were exactly alike. We had both left our little children in the hands of strangers, feeling helpless and sure that it was somehow our fault as mothers that our children had to endure this, and hoping our precious children would wake up from surgery and recover painlessly.  That was a defining moment for my life. To realize that no matter how different people may look, dress or speak, we share feelings of love, sadness, worry, fear, joy etc. and we deserve to be treated the same. Not separately as black or white, gay or straight, poor or rich, or any other category we try to put people into, but the same: human. It is only fair.

When I think of mercy I go right to forgiveness.  Every single one of us has sinned.  All sorts of sins. Small sins. Large sins. Sins we can hide from others. Sins that are out in the open.  When we sit in silence with these sins they start to eat away at us making us feel unlovable, loathsome and worthless . They seem to grow uncontrollably until their weight upon us is suffocating. There is only one way out. Bringing it out to the open and asking for forgiveness.  Unfortunately, depending on the situation and the persons involved, forgiveness is sometimes not easily come by. One thing you can be certain of is that God forgives. Always. Ask him with sincerity and a heart ready to change. I promise. It also helps immensely if we can forgive ourselves, too.  I was in a Bible study group about 18 years ago during a time when I was really struggling with my past. I was so upset about some of the things I had done and I would pray every day and night (and in between) to God to forgive me.  The guilt and shame were consuming me. I explained this to the other women in the group.  My dear friend Donna asked me if I believed God forgives. I said yes, of course. She said, with compassion and love,  “Well, don’t you think God finds it insulting that you continue asking for his forgiveness over and over, after He already gave it? It’s as if you didn’t believe Him the first time. I think the person you need to ask for forgiveness is you”. BAM. That was the moment I truly accepted God’s forgiveness and FELT forgiven and free to move on. Knowing that I have been forgiven and being grateful for that forgiveness makes it easier when I need to be the forgiver.

There is nothing more humbling than walking into an AA meeting  once you have accepted that you need help (especially one located in the inner-city because you didn’t want to be recognized!).  You quickly realize that you know nothing about something you thought you knew everything about. You sit amongst people who have struggled much longer and suffered much more than you have. Some of them have lived on the streets, served years in prison for serious crimes, been members of gangs. But when they start telling their story you can’t help but want what they have – the knowledge and experience of staying away from a drink, the celebrating when someone hasn’t had a drink in 24 hours and the acceptance of the one that did.  When you are in that room, everyone is treated the same. No one is more important or privileged than the next person.  You are family. AA or any other 12 step program is not a group people hope to join one day. But, somehow, it has been one of the most amazing experiences of my life.

I pray that something I have shared on Micah 6:8 was meaningful or perhaps you have had a similar experience as one I mentioned above.  If so, I’d love to hear your thoughts.  The verse for the week ahead is Isaiah 41: 13. “For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear: I will help you.”

Love, Melissa